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Category: Acumen News | Featured

Wigs Big and Small. #MapisaResigns

Date: 05.26.2024

Written By

Tonya Khoury

Wig, derived from the word “periwig”, used by humans as hair-mimicking head covers for societal and political reasons. Fitting for this week’s report which is all about weaves and wigs and wickedness and want and wanted. #MadamSpeaker, #MapisaNqakula, was shoved into the spotlight because of her head gear. She was meant to be arrested, and then all media was asked to do a retraction (including yours truly). Hours later she resigned and then she was charged. Theft, they said. Money laundering, we’re told. A few million rands and a whole lot of bother for the ANC.

I’m Tonya Khoury, I had the long weekend off so let’s try and make head or tail of this huge media event that even made headlines on the #BBC. I watched the charges and bail being decided in our courts. Fifty thousand rand bail is what she “can afford”. She denied that wigs or weaves were code words for bribes: not quite headwear. What was fascinating was that the previous nation’s #MadamSpeaker, #BalekaMbete, was in court to show solidarity with her chom. #BalekaSnakeMbete was the woman who protected #Zuma from secret ballots and was the subject of #AngeloAgrizzi’s testimony as he confessed to #BosasaBribes. One of the key role players in his horrific file drop was #Mbete. Her code name: #Snake. Seems, the madams are keeping fitting company with or without their doeks.

I’m glad she’s in court and I’m even gladder that #DaliMpofs is not representing her, it’s going to save us all a great deal of time. Her legal team made the argument for bail to be granted based on the state of South Africa’s penitentiary service. They said it was “inhumane”, filled with “gangsters” and she might not get her medication on time. Poor love, imagine committing a crime and being threatened with jail time? Who would ever imagine such an outcome to bribery and money laundering? That’s not the bit that surprised me, but what does is the speed with which #Nqakula resigned, it was less than a week between the raid on her home (no wigs found) and her hair-raising resignation. The President, Cupcake, even commended her for resigning, saying she’s done the honourable thing. It’s true, I read the news, so you don’t have to. Wigs away!

In the same week and in less reported news, our incumbent president was cleared of wrongdoing in a case amounting to 84 billion rand. There was a mega housing project and #Rama brought his china along. Apparently, according to the public protector, #Gcaleka, Ramaphosa was not out of line in inviting contractors to get involved and his conduct could not be considered as meddling in state procurement. It’s worth mentioning that this PP also cleared #RamaPoser of all wrongdoing with dollar stuffed couch. So ya, there’s that story. Pot, kettle #weaves and stinging nettles.

It was #HumanRightsDay and there is no water in our financial hub. It was the #EasterWeekend and Durban’s beaches are filled with Ecoli. The unemployed are expected to survive on R370 per month and we still haven’t found the nation’s child #JoshlinSmith. Oi #Gayton! Hellllooooo. Did you really just use this kid to electioneer? Wow, just wow. Not a single word. Not about the DNA on the clothing, not about her whereabouts, not a word on the new accused person. Nothing, well unless you didn’t know that Joshlin’s mom is pregnant and is now being put in an isolated cell because the other inmates don’t take kindly to child abuse. I find it revolting that a politician would use such a case to step over a child to parliament. I’m not surprised, just revolted.

It’s been like that guys, and the election rhetoric gets stronger each day. In case you missed it, Acumen Media did an election study of the top parties and #MKParty took the media by storm. #Zuma was doing the hockey pokey with the party, he was in and out faster than he could shake it all about. And you can say a lot about our ex-Prez but he can shake, move and dance. It seems (and I may be wrong) that #MK has made it onto the ballot paper but not with #Zuma’s face … is that right? Sheez, even I can’t keep up. Zuma’s son, #Duduzane, left the #AGC and I assume he will now be the poster boy for uBaba. Ungaaz!

Hanging onto #Zuma, he had a car accident this week. He’s fine, it was a minor bumper bashing as a drunk driver careered into Zuma’s motorcade. We were told, in no uncertain terms, that this accident was Cyril’s fault. Actually, to be clear, Cyril and Bheki #TheHat Cele are apparently to blame. Why? Because #Zuma needs a new fleet of cars and bodyguards. I mean he was a former president. Come on! Forget the water, the rampant crime, the hunger and the homeless. Get the man a new set of wheels and maybe a periwig? Wink wink.

Probably the most tragic story of the year made headlines across the world. A bus carrying 46 people plunged off a ravine on route to church. The accident killed everyone on board apart from one eight-year-old girl. They were all Botswana nationals. This child was orphaned in the process and this week we sent her back to Bots. South Africa mourned her loss, we have no words. Tragedy hit our own #Acumen team as one of our own left this earth. #MoniqueMoeti has worked with me for almost twenty years. She battled heart failure and she fought bravely for six years. She passed from a heart attack. Heart attack. An apt description for our team’s mourning. #RestinPeace our Unique Monique.

As my tears flowed, I couldn’t read headlines, it seemed like nothing mattered. Death, a fait de accompli, always leaves us startled and shocked. It is the one certainty in life, yet we are always unprepared. I didn’t care about the standoff between ANC and EFF in the #EkurhuleniMayor race. Nor the mudslinging of political parties, nor the speculation about #Jooste’s suicide, nor the fact that #Meta was down worldwide again. None of this was relevant. All chewed up and spat out headlines that we’ve heard before. Nine gangsters shot in #Mariannhill. #Bheki crows at his hat. Gangs of Cape Town hit headlines as gangster #Madatt was assassinated by gang members of the #FancyBoys. These are drug turf wars that exist just outside of the DA’s peripheral vision, in the tenth most violent city in the world. Even that couldn’t keep my attention. #SABC are facing a total blackout and #FortHare’s rampant corruption all passed me by. And then, Kaiser Chief’s #LukeFleurs died during a hijacking and it was announced that #KellyKhumalo offered 100k for #Senzo’s death. There I had to stop and listen. There was no real movement on #AKA and #TIBZ case. And our Deputy President #Mashatile awaits his fate over the next few days. He might be in court with his wig off. Who knows? #BigWigs.

And then this story, Botswana threatens to send 20,000 elephants to Germany. This is after Germany suggested there should be stricter limitations on trophy hunting. Apparently, Bots is home to a third of the world’s elephant population and they’re causing havoc as only elephants can. So, the wildlife minister said they’d gift a bunch of them to Germany and see how they like it. That was funny. Elephants in Dusseldorf, what a headline!

Across oceans, well it’s a mess. Israel took out aid workers in what they’re now calling a “mistake”, the same mistake was made seven times to branded vehicles carrying volunteers from #WorldCentralKitchen. They were there to feed the starving and they were bombed to smithereens. It’s a war crime, it’s what #Bibi does best. As the streets of Tel Aviv fill with protests to chop down their rotten king, the UK is under immense pressure to stop arming #Israel but #Biden keeps filling up the pot. The death toll rises and we scream into a vacuum.

There was a massive quake in Thailand, and many were displaced or killed in floods in #Brazil. It sounds like Armageddon right? It probably is. #PDiddy is being investigated for pedophilia and Louis Gossett Jnr died. And in local made international news, our hijacked skipper #JohnMatambu is still not home. They caught the perpetrator; he’s a known criminal… and we wait for justice. A small town in a tiny corner of South Africa makes major headlines for one of our own. #JusticeForJohnMatambu.

I’m Tonya Khoury, this wasn’t an easy report and I definitely need some H20 mixed with bubbles. See you deep under the surface. A place where beauty hides all the ugly and where the colours light up your heart. The strongest argument for the existence of God. As #Ramadan draws to a close this coming week and #Eid celebrations begin, after a month of sacrifice and charity, there are some really heavy hearts out there. Take care good people. Tell those that matter that you love them.

Mapisa Nqakula

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