Picture the scene … #HeritageDay 2022. The #EFF led by #Malema makes their way to northern KZN. Zululand. They claim they want their land back but seem to have forgotten that this land is #Zululand. The clue is in the name Juju, this land belongs to the Zulu Kingdom. No person owns land here that is not Zulu. Regardless, Julius rode into town without a compass. Either that or he’s just downright dumb. I think the term in parliament these days is #DomKop. The #RedTide made its way to the border of Mozambique – why? No one knows. We were in for a party though, there were even posters up in Sodwana Bay for the big event and the buses were seen coming from far and wide (not local at all), and you won’t believe it … he never came to visit me.
I wanted to invite him in for a cup of tea. I mean it’s good enough for #Nkandla it’s good enough for me. I wanted to have a chat, I wanted to tell him that he is lost, not just #GPSLost, but lost in general. I wanted to tell him that he kick-started the EFF like a marketing genius back in the day and that his ground swell was so impressive that I wished I could vote for the #EFF even if they didn’t want me. I wanted to tell him that in the beninging he was a complete maverick and he gave many hope. But what happened Juju? Now you can’t even use Google Maps. #TheGreatPretender. We see you. Amandla.
A few years ago that would have been the top story but now it’s just a local one. Without further delay, and on a #PointOfOrder, let’s #ScratchTheSurface of this week’s news.
It’s been busy my good people of the Republic. I’m not sure that I caught all of it but here’s what I could discern from the headlines. #Ramaphosa. He made headlines most of the week. He attended an event at #GallagherEstate to talk about electricity. Karma can be a #BulletTrain because midway through his speech the lights went off and the crowd roared with laughter. Our prez became the #GreatPretender just laughing like a clown, doing a bit of a shuffle from one leg to the other, hoping that we couldn’t see how uncomfortable he was. Pretending to be what he’s not you see? Pretending that we’re not around.
From Gallagher to #Parly for the #PresidentsQandA and this time our President actually … drum roll please … #FessedUp. He really did. Allow me to paraphrase: he said that corruption is part of our currency. That Eskom had been plundered and that today, apart from that tyranny of corruption, we have a bit of terrorism chucked in the mix. He said he sold some cattle and the occasional buffalo and sable and he didn’t see what the big #FarmGate fuss was about. We wasted at least an hour on that question without solving a thing. But he did #FessUp. There have been some big political moves this week and when you cobble them together you get an ANC in disarray. #APointOfNoOrder
I typed “Ramaphosa” into clever Acumen Media technology. It shows that for every post this week (30k of them), there were at least six responses that were negative. Ramaphosa’s reputation, on the back of #Eskom, has tanked to -90%. #ReputationMatters in tatters.
Let’s come back to Zululand for a minute: #KZNConference was an absolute shocker. Zuma rose from his terminally ill bed and was going to have another go at that #MrPresident thing. No one thought it was a good idea, not even Nkosazana Dlamini #StillAZuma. What was the combination of leadership that this conference spat out? No other than #AceBESTOS #Magashule and #PaulMashatile (oh and don’t forget #MinisterWhenPeopleZol).
Snap back with me to the #PresidentsQandA – it was subtle, but the President finally stepped into the ring. He spoke about how the road to hell was paved with good intention and that #CableTheft #BrownEnvelopes and #JimmyChoo shoes are here to stay. #Eskom is going to be the corruption ATM and that we should suck it up. #SouthAfrica2.0.
It was, as you would expect, a rampant raging ruckus, but hats off to the chair person. Well, hang on, in the beginning (I can spell it) she completely lost it and then it was like someone gave her a tranquiliser. Her tone dropped and she apologized for her own behaviour when she called “honourable” member 😊 “WENA”. After that she handled the chaos like a boss. There were too many insults. Wow, I have no words, but the Pretenders did, they included: #domkop, #homelessidiot and others but Madam Chair was brilliant, she took no nonsense. She switched off microphones like it was her calling. Parliament has become so noisy. I must be getting old. People shouting #PointOfOrder to the point of disorder. But my friends, the Prez fessed up, kudos to that. Or maybe he wasn’t fessing up at all, perhaps he was giving up. #ThePretenders.
All eyes were on #EskomSePush this week (advertising hint for my peers). The schedules didn’t tie up this side though, not sure what you got over there in so called “civilization”. #PravinGordhan washed his hands of #Eskom saying he is leaving #DeRuyter to the board for decision. Pretending you’re still around. Pretending to be what you’re not you see?
Let’s shift to what is happening to the ANC. In just one week #HambaGwede became the call of #COSATU. Gwede Mantashe was also on stage this week at a COSATU conference and the crowd started booing, #Mantash, and you’ll never believe me, did a little dance with the crowd to his own #HambaGwede song! I don’t make this stuff up folks, I just work here. #GreatPretender
In one of the metros there is a new coalition to govern that took seven parties, maybe more, to oust the ANC. I couldn’t work it out. Imagine the administrative nightmare managing that metro? #SouthAfrica2.0
Maimane launched BOSA. Who does the marketing here please? Don’t you think the link to BOSASA is just a tad too close. I mean really which ponytail came up with that? We deserve so much better.
Where are you #CivilSociety, we are on our knees here? There’s lots more to talk about but I’ll keep it brief. #Malema and #Ndlozi were acquitted for the assault at #MamaWinnie’s funeral, this happened in the same week as her birthday. I’m glad about that, if it was my mom’s funeral or someone that treated me like her own child, I would also push the security guard to get to her coffin. Waste of time and media attention if you ask me. #Afriforum are crying into a bucket, but get on with it, put race behind you and do some work pretenders!
#Jagersfontein became a massive talking point as did the #pongolaCrash. I get it, these stories are important, but can we focus on how to fix stuff? There was #KingShaka day, #TataButhelezi was there and spoke and conducted himself like a champ. The King (in traditional dress) donned a set of sunglasses. Never ever forget your shades. South Africa 2.0
The journalist, #KarynMaughan, wrote a scathing article about how the Public Protector, Busisiwe, used a major PR campaign to discredit the judiciary. That made #Zuma so grumpy that he pulled a #karyn. He threw his toys out the cot and then got chucked out of #Concourt … again. Good to see he’s made such an incredible recovery, someone call 10111. #TheGreatPretender
In other news #Zille wants #RepublicOfCapeTown. #Takealot are accused of having sweat shops. #Bain is finally banned, well done Atholl! Teffo was disbarred but didn’t seem to understand the ruling. Pretend Teffo, just pretend!
The whole world sides with #IranianWomen and Israel put out a lovely video saying they will always have their support. Don’t look beyond the video though, as a list of #PalestinianWomen were killed and four strong spirits of resistance were smashed to smithereens under Israel hands this week.
That’s my lot folks, get a compass, take a load off, smile and wave. I’m meeting a potato bass this weekend, and he doesn’t pretend at all.
I’m Tonya Khoury and you’ve just scratched the surface with Acumen Media