“Sugar man won’t you hurry, cause I’m tired of these scenes”.
We know these words by heart. Written by a man who was a legend in a country he never visited. Our #Rodriguez, an honorary South African. He passed this week and each one of us heard those words in our head. Each song was a triumph even though he didn’t earn much for his remote fame because we hustled poorly recorded tapes around in the underground of school halls and tiny classrooms. #ColdFact. That’s a good headline for a report about a week of pandemonium in South Africa.
Garbage ain’t collected, women ain’t protected
Politicians using, people they’re abusing
The mafia’s getting bigger, like pollution in the river
And you tell me that this is where it’s at
This is not a Song, It’s an Outburst: Or, the Establishment Blues. He could have been writing about South Africa all along. It’s time to scratch the surface of a week that should have been scripted by Sugarman, but instead, it’s me Tonya Khoury.
They call it the mother city so it might as well be the host to the mother of all #TaxiStrikes. The City of Cape Town was reduced to mayhem this week. Aside from the burning buses and petrol bombs, commuters and our work force were left stranded and could only watch, in horror, as food vanished off the shelves. A hopeless situation with no end to the madness in sight. Day after day more taxis were impounded and others blocked major intersections. Day after day buses were burnt and commuters walked through scenes from #ApocolypseNow by just trying to get to work. It was rough and then City of Cape Town’s mayoral member #JPSmith announced that for every bus, vehicle or facility burnt or vandalised, 25 taxis would be impounded. The impounding began and so did a stand-off that began to look like civil war. The images across our screens were like scenes from a war-torn country. I suppose that’s pretty apt, but it was just a massive juxtaposition to see it happen in the city of Cape Town and not in Khayelitsha. The Minister of Transport came out to say that “#JPSmith is not a goddess, he is not God and he is not Gabriel”. Well, that told him then hey? Enter #Geordin Hill-Lewis, yes, he spells his name G-e-o-r-d-i-n and he looks just as you’d imagine him. Blue jacket, blue shirt, slightly overweight, red cheeks; you know the type, the a-typical DA leader. He is the mayor if you didn’t know. And #HillLewis had fighting talk. He stood by the impoundments and said he would not negotiate with a gun to his head. Enter #BhekiCele – yip, he’s still here. He steps in front of Geordin and turns his back to the mayor. He goes on to say anyone who doesn’t negotiate with the taxi industry is a chop. That was the short version. Twenty-four hours later, after a sit down between Santaco and City of Cape Town, Geordin promised to release the impounded taxis within two weeks and the taxi mafia stopped blowing stuff up. If you ask Geordin Hill-Lewis today, he would say that the original proposal was accepted by the taxi association and all this was “for naught”. He was also quoted as saying, during this week of chaos, that one of the impounded taxis didn’t have a license plate attached to the front of the vehicle (it was displayed on the dashboard). Hill Lewis: “You could have attached it with a piece of Velcro”. His words not mine. Am I the only one finding this funny?
The mayor hides the crime rate
Council woman hesitates
Public gets irate but forget the vote date
Here’s a disgusting story for the #EstablishmentBlues. Ntokozo #Zikhali was sentenced to life for raping and kidnapping a nine-year-old girl. Nine. You know what’s even worse? That isn’t even the full story; he actually confessed to raping four-year-old #Bokgabo Poo and the judge found there was not enough evidence. How is a confession not evidence? This poor child was found with missing body parts and a confession doesn’t suffice? Where is your rage South Africa? If Zikhali hadn’t been dealt with for the nine- year old’s life that he destroyed, he would be walking free now. What are we doing here South Africa? Do you know that the register for sex offenders is not open for anyone to view? Why do we even have a register? This bit is serious, it was women’s day, and to all the mothers out there, protect your kin with everything you have. A child is raped every three minutes in our country. That means in the time it’s taken you to read or listen to this, three children will have had their lives mutilated forever. “This is not a song it’s an Outburst!”
This system’s gonna fall soon, to an angry young tune
And that’s a concrete cold fact
Then there was the #SenzoTrial, and my goodness, what an absolute pile of rubbish. No one could get their story straight, and the lawyers were bullied by a witness as #Madlala took to the stand this week. But his story doesn’t add up either; he now says he only heard one shot, not three. He drank three cans of alcohol but none of those cans were on the scene. There is definitely some truth to the rumours of Senzo having both Khumalo sisters swoon over him and there is definitely truth to a clean-up before the police arrived. Anything else? Search me, I can’t make head or tail of it. I know there were dreadlocks and a hat. Does that help? I also know Teffo was arrested this week, curiouser and curiouser this rabbit hole that will probably end with “naught”, to quote a colonial. #ColdFact.
Then #ThaboBester and #DrNandi turned up in court, this time he was sporting Louis Vuitton. They sat next to each other, even held hands and whispered sweet nothings (not so nothings) into each other’s ears. Bester reckons that over R30m worth of his stuff was stolen from him after he was captured. He went on to list all sorts of designer labels as if he were a sponsor’s dream and we watched. Like gormless idiots. I cannot cover this case, I owe my brain more than that. #ColdFact
It’s a hassle, it’s an educated guess.
Well, frankly I couldn’t care less
#BanyanaBanyana arrived home to a heroine’s welcome, and how amazing are our ladies? Congrats #TeamSA, you did us so proud. #Ramaphosa, remember him, he’s our president in case you forgot. He was in the news this week for paying R3,5m for #Jester the bull. I don’t make this stuff up, I read the news, so you don’t have to. The #Zamas have ask for SANDF protection. True story. #Unisa needs business rescue, don’t they have a course for that? There’s still no justice for #BabitaDeokaran unless you think suspension letters count. The DA are still banging on about #LadyR. #AndreDeRuyter lands a job at some top US university, cheers Dre, thanks for nothing mate. #ShanitteTiquin called black people monkeys. Run racist run. And here’s one to watch, #Zuma is rumoured to be headed back to prison. Please no, I think I speak for all South Africans when I say, forget it guys. We don’t need the aggro. Apparently, he’s been funded by diamond geezer #LouisLiebenberg. Uncle Louis has been paying millions for court cases and now he wants his bucks back. Watch that story, diamond geezers don’t play court jester games.
To wrap up, the new #Boks squad was named. Look we don’t care who’s in the squad, but please can we fix the away strip that looks like an FNB ATM. We’re #GreenAndGold all the way. Even though we won the match against Argentina, the rugby fans couldn’t work it out because our boks were in pale blue and white. (Pretty much the colours of the Argentinians). We won guys. You may hate the strip, but we won. #Springboks.
Across the water there was a major to-do about a punch up in the US with a foldable chair. I didn’t bother creeping into that rabbit hole as we have enough at home. I will say this though, the term #DiedSuddenly seems to be used more and more in headlines and the conspiracy police are out. There’s a bustle on the street about the vaccine side effects showing themselves. I’m not going there either. It’s the weekend so I’ll say: “thanks for your time and you can thank me for mine, and after that’s done … forget it.”
I’m Tonya Khoury and thank you for scratching the surface with me. Play #ColdFact this weekend. Do it for our Sugarman.