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Category: Acumen News

South Africa’s #Telenovela

Date: 07.17.2024

Written By

Tonya Khoury

I have so much content this week that this report is going to write itself. I like to invite you to #ScratchTheSurface of the SA’s great #Telenovela. If you’re a fan of this report, you’ll know that I’m a court room drama fanatic.  A real-life court room drama, not that #Suits stuff.  I have to say that my jaw has dropped more often than I care to count this week.

Let’s start with the very big one, #SenzoMeyiwa.  What a farce this week has been.  To start the telenovela, you had journalists chasing witnesses around, jumping from room to room while the witness tried to play hide and seek from the rampant cameras.   I don’t blame the journos for their relentless hunt.  The witness, #Madlala, was one of the individuals that was in the house the night of the murder. The defense took great exception to the great chase and the advocate said that media have played such a destructive role in this case.  She went on to mention that the damage that had been done by the Netflix documentary and that she now felt that all media should be removed from court immediately. She’s right to a point, had that doccie not come out, we certainly would not have a #Telenovela of this trial.

The judge was furious (he’s quite temperamental this guy) and he banned the entire set of journalists and our telenovela went silent.  One older gentleman, still in court, decided this was an opportune time to become a YouTube superstar.  He started broadcasting from within the court.  We all tuned in but what did we find? A terrible #Telenovela.  All we found was a man with a grey beard staring back at the screen and the lack of audio quality meant this was a silent telenovela. In the end, we resorted to Twitter.  Good old Twitter kept the trial alive for our hungry eyes.  After gushing apologies the media were allowed back in and then the real drama unfolded.

#Mdlala’s story makes no sense.  According to him, he was on crutches, but still had the ability to run away, hide his phone, have a bash at the “intruders” and, as if that were not enough, he said that Kelly Khumalo’s mother (a granny) decided she would have a go at the intruders herself.  Apparently Senzo also got in the ring and that’s when he was shot.  How many gun shots they asked?  #Mdlala didn’t know.  He said he couldn’t hear.  He couldn’t hear?  Gunshots in the same house … yeah right.  What’s up with this trial though, how can no one know what happened?  How do “new” dockets appear magically that were never there before.  The people in the room are meant to have been Senzo’s nearest and dearest and yet here we are watching an outrageous #Telenovela.

Swap courtrooms with me and join a ridiculous, and I cannot say this strongly enough, a ridiculous telenovela, where Dali Mpofu threatened the chair’s life LIVE on the teevee.  Let me try and break it down for you.  It’s complicated so bear with me: #Concourt (a different telenovela) had ruled that #Mkhwebane could go back to her job.  This drew the wrath of many and woke up the country’s legal teams all at once.  The DA, Civil Society and others send letters throughout the night to #Dali. Dali #Mpofu was preparing to interview another one of Madam Busi’s staff, when he was suddenly flooded with urgent applications.  So many applications and letters!  One even came from the President who wanted answers by 9am. Dali didn’t sleep and my goodness, did it show.  He was grumpy, actually he was rude, incredibly rude, much ruder than you’ve ever seen him and #Mpofu, let’s be fair, can get pretty peeved. He told the chair that he would not be able to participate in the proceedings and that Madam Mkhwebane had a sick note anyway, so these proceedings couldn’t continue in her absence.  Sick notes, the sign of a great telenovela.  Short story the judge said that Dali could go sleep but proceedings would continue with other parties who wanted to question the witness. He further explained that all interactions were recorded and Dali could catch up later.  The rage.  The extraordinary rage of #Dali made more riveting television than any soap opera.  If he could have climbed through that zoom call and pinned the chair to the wall he would have done it.  He started hurling insults at the chair telling him that he should respect his elders!  Come again? I’m confused, when did age trump law?  Anything goes in a telenovela.  Queue dramatic music as Mpofu said to the chair that he will “pay for this” and he must just “watch and see”.  When the chair asked if that was a threat, Dali retorted like a true movie star, “That is not a threat; that is a promise”.   I expected Clint Eastwood to walk in next wearing a poncho. I hooted with laughter, as you shouldn’t because this is the state of our nation.  Current status: #Dali is under investigation for threatening a chairperson at a seated enquiry.  He has been further love bombed with paperwork. Stay tuned. #HoldUpHey get ready for the #NextEpisode

All the while we have the great presidential race running on another channel.  Here, apparently, the too sick Zuma (not a bad description) called a sitting of his own at #Nkandla.  Here he told everyone in his gang to vote for #Nkosozana #WhenPeopleZol #Dlamini #StillAZuma.  And where’s cupcake?  Well, our Prez went to a dam that burst.  He told the people who lost loved ones and homes that he wouldn’t abandon them and promptly jumped on a plane to the White House and he’s off to the #QueensFuneral.  This is a strange telenovela. This is where we swap story lines, because Cyril seems to have forgotten about the #KZNFlood victims, Nelson Mandela Bay’s without water and that pesky set of terrorists that keep bombing #Eskom. I mean really, that’s pushing the Novella too far.  And media don’t even go there.  News aren’t interested in the Insurrection Telenovela.

Look there is other news, but nothing compares to what we are seeing playing out in Britain.  I’m not sure what you call it?  We in South Africa have experienced the massive loss of #Mandela and the country paid tribute for an entire month, in fact we still do it now.  However, we have never seen anything like the Queen’s death.  Everyone expected pomp and ceremony. I did expect horses and carriages and gun salutes, but what I didn’t expect was for her coffin to be traipsed across the country and every single planned celebration in the UK to be cancelled. I’m also really worried about Charles.  He is walking a LOT and he’s not spry. (Let’s be fair he’s quite old).  I hope they let him sit a bit.  It’s super impressive to see London and the entire UK decked out in Royal Memorial.  I’m not a royalist but that woman spent her entire life in service, so I get it. I lived in London for a long time and I was there at the time of Diana’s death, it was extraordinary.  I do have some questions though so forgive me for this.  Do you think that the coffin is made of lead, or do you think they’ve embalmed her?  I mean she’s been driven all over the countries and now she is lying in state for another four days.  Please tell me they haven’t got a body in the coffin and her body is in cold morgue storage.  And if she was embalmed, I mean ewww … I don’t want to think of it.  I phoned a friend (a non royalist) and her mum (a royalist) in the UK to check my facts.  Firstly the response to my gross question was “well of course she’s embalmed – what are you an idiot?”.  The other thing I learnt was that this is a big deal, the whole world should know that.  This is a massive deal. My condolences to you Great Britain.  The end of an era and a very very dramatic telenovela.

I’m Tonya Khoury and you’ve just scratched the surface with Acumen Media.

 

Telenovela

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