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Category: Featured

SCRUBBING THE RED CARPET – KHAKI CARL.

Date: 02.20.2024

Written By

Tonya Khoury

Born on Christmas day, #KhakiCarl,#CamouflageCarl, and #Carlkneehighs, as we refer to him at Acumen Media, is known to mainstream media as Carl Niehaus. He is a former member of the ANC, the MK, and now the head of aRETa.
 
According to his twitter feed, Khaki Carl was up at 04:00 adding the finishing touches to his autobiography so that he can give a signed copy to the new love of his life, Vladimir. Yes, I am sure that Putin, and other readers of fine Russian literature cannot wait to see it on bookshelves. I hope it will give an in depth look at Carl’s claim to fame which is claiming insurance on the death of his very much alive mother to pay off a R4.3 million debt to a landlord. He pulled this stunt in 2011 with his, then alive and kicking, father. His mother must have been gutted with that Christmas present.
 
Carl had been conning people long before 2011. In 2009, it was revealed that his doctoral degree from the University of Utrecht in the Netherlands qualification was not legit. But we do know that Carl was in The Hague from 2007 – 2010 playing the role of South Africa’s ambassador. Imagine that? But the skullduggery did not end there. Allegations of fraud were brought against him, this time for a family holiday in Mauritius that he refused to pay for. He did, however, continue to hold onto some cushy positions at the ANC. But one fine afternoon, on February 2009, after an important person got wind of Carl’s “love affair” with Ace Magashule (or as we call him ACEbestos, our next guest on Scrubbing The Red Carpet ), #KhakiCarl was forced to resign from the ANC. And Valentine’s Day has never been the same for him again.
 
But despite everything, Carl’s loves of dancing in his khaki and camo shorts continued unabated. And his excitement for rhythm was hard to disguise, especially when dancing behind former president Zuma. More than a hop, skip and jump, though. I think Carl was captivated by Johnny Clegg, as we all were. But #KhakiCarl could never get those intricate moves quite right. Instead, he perfected the marching on the spot to music moves which earned him the title of #Carl knee – highs. In pursuit of a perfect world, and bored with the old routine, Carl is practicing his new dance move, the Russian Cossack Dance (Hopak). We won’t tell him that the Hopak originated in the Ukraine, though. Rather, let’s wait and see how low he can go.
Today, Carl can be seen wearing fake Ted Baker style jackets and matching bow ties, and heard singing in the shower. And that’s possibly why he called his new political party aRETa, but let’s be honest, Carl cannot be frank. And Aretha Franklin deserves better, just like his mom.
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