She said she’d accept five grand for Joshlin. Promised twenty grand, but she’d accept five. According to witness testimony this week, Kelly Smith made those statements more than once while her child was alive. We learnt how she had tried to stab her other child, how she often left the kids to their own devices even though they were too tiny to take care of themselves. She said a Nigerian man had said it’s “time to play”. She also told her friend: “Joshlin made me famous”. She said that her seven-year-old daughter was in a container on a ship that was traveling to South West Africa. The #JoshlinTestimony has been explosive. We beg the media houses to fix their sound as the nation tunes in every day to try and make sense of the disappearance of Joshlin and her #PrettyGreenEyes.

Even though the audio isn’t great, the judge is excellent. He’s got this. He has schooled the legal team on a daily basis and also caught the translator during some shoddy translations. The entire court case is set in a community hall making the echo unbearable for a nation glued to YouTube. #NotFitForPurpose

I’m Tonya Khoury, the media cycle rotates so quickly that I struggle to read the news, so you don’t have to.

Last week we spoke of the nation’s traitor #ErnstRoets. He returned to “home” soil and then told us he was about to make a huge announcement. Bigger than your visit to the yawning lawns of the #WitHuis? Well, this I have to see. I wasn’t disappointed; I was vindicated. Ernie wants you all to give him a hundred bucks a month towards his “Pioneer Initiative”, although I think he was playing on the word “Voortrekker”, but “pioneer” sounded more multi-lingual which is handy as Trump said America is 100% Engels. So those acts of treason were actually just a massive ad campaign, and I wonder exactly how many #Amerikaners paid Roetsie his hundy. #PonziScheme loading. The President took a good swipe at Ernie and Kallie by calling them “unpatriotic” and that we are yet to determine if their actions are in fact, treasonous. He didn’t speak to them directly, I don’t think he will condescend to crawl on their level, but he told them at the Prez’ Q&A.

“All of my life had been spent in the shadow of apartheid. And when South Africa went through its extraordinary change in 1994, it was like having spent a lifetime in a boxing ring with an opponent and suddenly finding yourself in that boxing ring with nobody else and realising you’ve to take the gloves off get out and reinvent yourself.” Athol Fugard

My story of the week is a personal one, being involved from the beginning and watching the health of my friend #TomLondon improve every day, I have a story of hope and accountability that we all need as South Africans. The #Ombudsman released its findings on #HelenJosephHospital and to quote the perfect line from the report; #HelenJoseph is “not fit for purpose”. #NotFitForPurpose, a South African story. Tom is so brave, he walked into that room filled with detractors and journalists hungry for headlines. The establishment tried to swing the narrative to Tom’s allegations being unfounded. They conveniently mentioned that they had interviewed the doctors and some random people in the hospital who said everything was just dandy. They also said Tom was seen by twenty-three doctors, and they said this with pride. Twenty-three doctors, is that normal? They said that they leave bodies out of the morgue for two hours because sometimes “they wake up”, this was followed with a giggle. It was only much later in the press conference that we learnt that HJH has one person handling both procurement and payments, and that there is no linen or food because none of the suppliers have been paid. In order to paint the ceiling there is an outsourced company that not only has to confirm it needs painting, but are also needed on site if a lightbulb needs changing. Sounds like a tender lotto built for Sodi doesn’t it? The mortuary slabs have been stolen and the number of flies requires immediate pest control. In this instance “unsubstantiated” also means: “not fit for purpose”. I think that’s vindication enough don’t you? #WeAreAllTomLondon

And then the worst news is that the government, and I have no idea why, have banned CBD gummies / edibles. They do realise we’ve been making space cakes for decades. I wonder what that’s all about? #BringBackTheGummies

Cyril, the squirrel, after a guided tour of the metros, was shocked at the state of our city centres. He had the gall to ask, “who did this?” Who did this? You did this china! You, and yes you’re calling Lesufi to try and scupper him from his fat cat post, but that doesn’t change the fact that this here mess, is down to you. And all those before you. No time to play. Really you insult us Cupcake, do you think we cannot see what is in front of our eyes?

#Ramastilskin answered questions in the #PresidentsQandA where he admitted to meeting Mossad and Elonskyy. Julius was not amused. Within the same week, #Matamela met with the #EUSummit; he looked pleased as punch as the EU agreed to bridge the #PEPFAR gap. This live on television. All three of them taking a jab at the nectarine.

We witnessed carnage on our roads, this time two horrific bus crashes. Then we braced ourselves in the crash position as the #BudgetSpeech2025 made a 2.0. This time #VAT was definitely on the table, like a loaded gun in a film script. It was either we take the VAT increase, or our destitute South Africans relinquish their SRD grant worth R370 a month. Please bear in mind that R56 billion was allocated to salary increases for government employees. Did you get an increase over inflation this year? Just wondering if you are fit for purpose. Here’s an interesting fact, if you have more than R654 in your bank account you don’t qualify for the #SRDGrant. #NotFitForPurpose hey?

For you in the West to hear the phrase ‘All men are created equal’ is to draw a yawn. For us, it’s a miracle. We’re starting out at rock bottom, man. But South Africa does have soul. Athol Fugard

Let me wrap up South Africa as succinctly as I can. After the death of a star witness, the #Omotoso trial resumes and another so-called pastor #ShepardBushiri and his wife Mary have been extradited back to South Africa from Malawi. Frightening that these gangsters still call themselves ‘men of God’.

The SADC finally pulled out of Congo, but there was still a war zone at a Sandton restaurant as a gun fight ensued that might as well have been a scene in the #OKCorall. Everyone’s favourite cat, #Skebanga died this week. The fat cat that took ownership of the fancy #OysterBox in Durban had the heavens weeping for our kitty as level six warnings of bad weather hit KZN.

I’d rather not skip over the waters, but I suppose I have to, so let’s keep it tight. Trump is selling Elon’s cars outside the White House, armed with a price list and colour codes. Elon is having a bit of a hard time as his swazticars are being vilified across the world. The French burnt down his showroom (got to love the French and burning stuff, Saffers can relate). When asked how it he was running his business and the US government, he responded: “With great difficulty”, aw diddums. There is a ceasefire on the cards between Russia and Ukraine. There is no aid, electricity, water or food in Gaza, it’s day fourteen. A clear war crime, without consequence. There are an abundance of Trump and Muskette stories, but I’m too weary and I really need a weekend. So, I’ll leave you with this: RFK, the man known for “healthy eating” also did a commercial for “Steak and Shake” this week. Take the red pill, the blue one is #NotFitForPurpose

“Those are big collisions, Hally. They make for a lot of bruises. People get hurt in all that bumping, and we’re sick and tired of it now. It’s been going on for too long. Are we never going to get it right? … Learn to dance life like champions instead of always being just a bunch of beginners at it?” Athol Fugard, Master Harold and the Boys.

I’m Tonya Khoury and thank you for scratching the surface with me and Acumen Media. #RIPAtholFugard