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Category: Acumen News | Featured

It’s not Safe Here Baby Reindeer; it’s a Highway to Hell

Date: 05.26.2024

Written By

Tonya Khoury

What are you doing with all your electricity South Africa? Thirty-four days at my last count. Thirty-four days! We haven’t seen that since Mbeki left. You remember when we were told the ANC would fix it and we didn’t believe them, well the truth is, it was never broken. The on/off switch was used like an ATM with the hiccups. Isn’t that treasonous? Isn’t there a law against that? Don’t vote for this set of gangsters and, this is very important, know your coalitions. If you’re going to vote for “standing looking stupid in the corner” party, know where your vote will turn up. #CoalitionDecisions are going to rule this country.

I’m Tonya Khoury and I can’t believe I started this report with #Elections2024. It should be top of our minds, it isn’t, but it should be. Let’s get him out the way Voldemort: #ZumaTheMKPuma has had a bit of a rough week. The founder of #MK #StolenLogo Party is a guy called Jabulani Khumalo. He registered the party, and he was one of the first to be fired by uBaba. Not only him, but four additional members were also hoofed. So, now you have the guy who belongs to two political parties firing the guy who founded the party. In a “leaked” Whatsapp conversation, Jabu threatened to deregister the party, and here’s the truth, he can actually do that. That would be a turn up for the books, wouldn’t it? The #IEC raised eyebrows as it was revealed that at least twenty thousand signatures on #MK’s submission were forged. That’s along with the stolen logo. It appears that the #MKAliens are imploding. Next week Tuesday, #Zuma will be in court for something new, a disciplinary hearing. This Muppet truly thinks he can stand for President again. #PresidentZuma was trending for days, but not everything you read is real #BabyReindeer. Sent from my iphon.

How was your #MayDay, #WorkersDay? Were you caught in the traffic on the #M1, fuming as firefighters battled for 18 hours to put out the #M1Fire. The fire was sparked by cable thieves. These geniuses were busy pulling out the cables and the next thing they were engulfed in flames. It looked like Armageddon had finally arrived, but it was only vandalism or terrorism or theft or sabotage. Shocking. #Mayday #HighwayToHell.

In other politrix #Ramatress blamed #Apartheid. #Malema said he’s going to fix #Hammanskraal. That’s not going to happen in the next four weeks, is it? He’s not going to do anything. Redundant #ThaboMbeki has been so busy that I wish they’d give him a chair. I mean seriously guys; do you think we’re even ready for this election? Three ballot papers, more parties than you can point a stick at and promises that will pickle your brain.

Talk about insane in the membrane, did you see it? Netflix true story #BabyReindeer made us understand our lives are not so bad and that we often chase the wrong villain. Everyone is asking who is Martha (the stalker) when we should be asking where is Darrien (the groomer)? And then internationally a survey asked women a simple question. Would they rather come across a bear or a strange man in the woods? All women, and I mean all women, chose the bear. Men were astonished. Why, they asked. Most women retorted: “If a bear attacked me, they would believe me; if a bear attacked, someone would help me; if the bear attacked, there’s a chance I’d survive.” That story was more shocking than #babyReindeer. They chose the bear. Personally, if I go down to the woods, I’m going to go in disguise. #TeddyBearPicnic.

There were some mental stories. One of the #Curro school teachers called a kid an idiot. That term is strictly for politicians, ma’am. Someone turned up to their #MatricFarewell in a coffin that was displayed through the open doors of a limousine, and when the vehicle stopped, this chick got out ready for the ball. What is that? Even I’m scared #babyreindeer, think she has an iphon?

In other news, SAA flew its inaugural flight to Perth. I wonder who lives there? Like you, dear reader I also believed that SAA was grounded for years and that the last deal with the #TakatsoConsortium went belly up. But here we are jet-setting with the SAA logo to Perth. Yoh, Pravin! You’re a magician china. And wena, Dudu. Hey #DuduMyeni ugoopi manje? Where are you in the world? Let me guess, Perth? #GordhanTrix #Politrix.

Boxing legend #Dingaan left us, that made me cry to be honest. Memories of my dad and I watching world championship fights when I was a kid. And then to end the madness in South Africa, a person called a #Sangoma went into a Sassa office and this witch doctor started putting pins in a chair and proclaiming incantations. #BabyReindeer, I told you you’re not safe here.

Let’s try over the ponds. The students at universities across the USA finally worked out that dead babies are worth protesting about. In the same week the USA banned #TikTok. Do you see it? You should and it should frighten you. This while the IDF were driving over tents with families in them in #Rafah. Bibi was told that the ICC may issue an arrest warrant. I don’t know why he’s so bothered; Putin’s had a warrant for years. Both Trump and Biden contributed to me deliriously shaking my head this week. Iran issued sanctions against US and UK. Yawn. The ICJ let Germany off the hook for aiding genocide. What’s that song, “All you ever do it talk talk, talk talk.” Another volcanic eruption in Indonesia and Saudi was flooded. That’s it, I’m out.

It’s time for me to take a mid-year break. I have several sharks that need naming and a fearless leader to take me to them. If they were to ask me if I’d pick a bear or a shark, it would be a shark any day. To prove it, I am going to follow a man who talks to fish. I’ll send you pics of Walter’s tricks with no politics, reindeers or teddy bears in sight. I’m Tonya Khoury. I’ll see you in a couple of weeks to scratch the surface with Acumen Media after I’ve tickled a shark and kissed a bass called Valentine.

Sent from my Android

Its not Safe Here Baby Reindeer its a Highway to Hell

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