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Category: Acumen News | Featured


Date: 02.21.2024

Written By

Tonya Khoury

There are no prizes for guessing that our top story this week is #Eskom. With over sixty-eight thousand items and an engagement of over one hundred and seventy five thousand responses, South Africans are furious at being kept in the dark! It’s not our first rodeo but the real salt in the wound is Eskom’s approval to go ahead with a logo change and a rebranding exercise which, other than being a total farce, will involve someone’s chommie getting a nice chunk of change. We are seething, 86 percent of us show only anger as an emotion toward Eskom. I’m one of those angry Saffers and I’m so infuriated that you’re not going to believe what I am about to say. I’m going to tell you to vote DA. But first I have to have a word with #HelenZille.


I’m Tonya Khoury. We have never met. I’m grumpy and every week I scratch the surface of the media across the country. I’ve been doing this for years and it is fair to say I am not your fan. I think you’re selfish and that your ego is larger than divide between Cape Town’s two cities but today I’m going to tell my friends to #VoteDA… and I’ll tell you why. Is it because John can jump (on the dance floor and at your beck and call)? Nope. Is it because you’ve done such a great job in the Western Cape for the wealthy, after all, the rich take care of the poor in good old colonialism innit? Definitely not. It’s simply because they, the antagonists, put six hundred names on a ballot trick us. If we dilute our vote the ANC will stay in a haze of #CoalitionChaos.

These are the lessons we took from the last election where we voted #NOTA (none of the above). We all agreed that anyone apart from the top three (including you gogo Zille) should get our vote. The idea was to shake things up. And my goodness did we rattle and roll through a rollercoaster of four years where we still don’t know who our local leadership is. Now with 600 joker cards on the table, they must think we are fools, we are not going to dilute our vote. Someone said: “To dilute the will to win is to destroy the purpose of the game”. Ain’t that the truth.

Look #godZille, the unfathomable is about to happen: we are going to give SA to #JumpingJohn who’s going to wish he was a little bit taller, wish he was a baller and he’s better have a rabbit in the hat to jump over the hurdles. I say hurdles what I mean is basic human rights that need implementation. It is quite simple actually:

  1. Electricity
  2. Water
  3. No Children or Women Abuse
  4. Safety and an end to Violence
  5. Education and artisan skills for our unemployed youth.

One thing more, don’t steal too much. We know you can’t help yourselves to help yourself; all politicians are the same. Just take the cream, ok?

Now Helen, I don’t want you to get me wrong, but I hate that you stopped us from putting up Palestinian flags in Cape Town and I hate that Cape town is the tale of two cities. I hate the DA’s covert racism, and I hate how the Western Cape thinks it belongs to a different country. But what I love is my South Africa. And I cannot stand by and watch South Africa dilute its vote. A vote that will result in nothing but horse trading.  I’m going to take your moon-shot pact.

So, there you have it Helen, my capitulation. It really ended for me when #Ramaposer had the absolute gall to tell us not to complain about our country, this while I couldn’t get a signal to write how appalled I was. It’s clear that we have to remove this rotten ANC, if only for four years. If we don’t then we are fools, and South Africans are not fools. And then to be fair to the DA, #ChrisPappas can dance, so could #Zuma, but well, ja no fine.

Regards, Disgruntled Coerced DA Voter, signed under duress.

As for the rest of the news it was dull in comparison. Wait, I tell a lie, it was crazy as usual. Get this, #Malema and #Holomisa made up a whole set of nasties to convince SA that the judiciary is corrupt. They probably used #ChatGPT to contrive a string of spurious allegations about the only department that works in South Africa. Oh, it gets worse. Omotoso, the child rapist, has a file on the judiciary’s “failures” too. It seems we missed the #TakeDownTheJudiciary memo.

The list of candidates for provincial leaders changes like uncontained mercury and people get shot. #Koko is so arrogant that he said it will take the judiciary one hundred years to catch him, notice how he didn’t say he is innocent, ne? And then, because we haven’t had a good racism story in a while, some chop of a teenager used the K word and another high school got swarmed by the #EFF. Actually, I’ve found a role for the EFF: We should give them the job of policing racism. Yes, they’re really good at that, acting all intimidating, dressed up like drum majorettes all coordinated and stuff, they would make a great Orwellian racism police.  Anyway, that idiot just ruined his school and future career. Chop.

If that was not enough, get this, one single instigator was found guilty of the entire #JulyInsurrection, and he shares a surname with Zuma, but that’s all. What a joke! One person brought South Africa to its knees, trembling with fear, and his name was #Zuma but not the one you saw in court. #InsurrectionDeflection

Black Friday was an absolute sellout, and when I say sell out, I mean a total flop. Our stock market did not crash, it’s not 1929. But the consumer has hit the wall and now … nothing. So, we never had the money for #BlackFriday and besides that, even if we did have the money, we didn’t have the internet or the electricity to get on to a platform to buy what we wanted and then there was this horrific story about #ImpalaPlatinum and how eleven people lost their lives and many were injured in a mining disaster. It is amazing how people put their lives on the line for tiny pieces of metal, going deep down into the earth to cut out nuggets for the new rich.

Back on the surface, the most disgusting and horrific story I’ve read in a very long time: a man who called himself the ‘most charming psychopath’ went to his next door neighbour, stabbed her and chopped up her body into nine pieces so that he could take her car to pay off a drug debt. He chucked her head out the window while he was driving. What kind of people are these? Charming psychopaths? I’m not so sure about that. There is also the horrific murder of Pastor Liesel de Jager who was found dead in her driveway and when the trial got to court the accused is none other than her husband. How sick is sick?

Across the waters, Kissinger died at the age of 100. Many screamed for him to be the tried for war crimes, but nothing ever happened, and he lived on to be a 100. He probably got a letter from the queen. There were hostage releases between Gaza and Israel and today the war is back on and the bombing has resumed. Obviously, there’s a lot more to say about that. Elon #Musk was invited by #Netanyahu to come and see the reason why Israel is bombing #Gaza, and while Elon sat there gormless, no emotion on his face, but that is Elon (he’s a robot), he sucked it up and then refused #Hamas’ invite to visit #Gaza (can’t blame him). He went back to X’s headquarters and in a television interview, the anchor asked what #Elon was going to do about all the advertising money he was losing due to his perceived leniency towards anti-Semitism. #Musk, true to form, used some seriously colourful language to tell those advertisers exactly what to do with their money. He also asked a serious question, “Are you trying to blackmail me with money, seriously?”. Well are they? He’s the richest man in the world guys, wake up. So silly isn’t it? Take the weekend off.

I’m Tonya Khoury and thank you for scratching the surface with me and Acumen Media

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