Beautiful South Africans, welcome back, don’t groan, I’m cheerful! It’s been almost three weeks since I stuck my head in the media mayhem, so I have on my happy face. Let’s see if we can fix that by #ScratchingTheSurface with Acumen Media.
We must take a step backwards to move forward so that you understand how we got here.
Presidential #PunchUp
#Ramaphosa was re-elected for president (by a large majority). #ZweliMkhize didn’t come close. This all happened while #Zuma was in the room – looking pretty healthy I might add. He wasn’t happy, though. And then the dose of humble pie: #LindiweSisulu (#Zuma’s stooge) received only 25 votes on her nomination. I laughed, and you can too. There was a great deal of warra-warra about vote buying and all those nasties, but ultimately, the Zuma #RET faction left with its tail between its legs.
Next steps … call #DaliMpofu. Good old Dali hey, so nice to see him back in the courtroom blathering away. I was bored but my friends, there is a clear and present danger lurking in this spurious court drama that is unfolding. This #ClashofTheTitans. This war of Presidents. It appears our #Dali may have a point. I’m no legal person, well I studied law but failed accounting so I can’t tell you the legal bits, but I can tell you, as a layman, that this is how it played out: You’re going to laugh in the beginning (beninging) but you’re going to have to pick up your jaw at the end.
#uBaba said his medical records were leaked by a journalist, #KarynMaughan, and #BillyDowner. Stop right there, you know who #Downer is right? He’s the guy taking front and centre in the arms deal case. The case that Zuma has tried to dodge like a wasp hanging around his face. Not only that, but this is on top of his contempt of court charge for not appearing at the #Zondo commission and then not going to jail. He said he was too sick, you see, and #ArthurFraser agreed. These same cases brought the #JulyInsurrection and terror to South Africa. So, Karyn and Billy decided to “leak” his medical certificates. Firstly, there’s that word “leaked” – what nonsense and secondly, Maughan is a firecracker of a journo; she isn’t going to “leak” something, she’s going to run with it! I would say, without a shadow of a doubt, that it is in the public’s best interest to know what dreaded disease Zuma suffers from apart from a superiority complex that elevates him above the constitution. Zuma has a full plate, but now add to that the annihilation of further presidential aspirations at the #ANCConference and who you gonna to call? #Dali, and #Mpofu, to be fair, has a #mastercard move. Simply #priceless. He moves to “privately” prosecute Ramaphosa, not Maughan or Downer – why? Good question, well the official answer is: Zuma complained to #UncleCyril about Maughan and Downer’s behaviour and #Ramphosa didn’t do anything. Yes, you read that right. So here we are at the #PresidentsPunchUp as their legal teams set to work. Firstly, Judge #Sutherland doesn’t take any prisoners, well I suppose he does, but you know what I mean. He hasn’t got time for #Dalisms, those soliloquys that take an age to say nothing. No, Sutherland cut him short the moment repetition or irrelevance kicked in.
Are you ready for the jaw drop? The true game behind this ridiculous story? The President, the current one, introduced that #StepAside rule that basically says if you are in a court process for wrongdoing (spurious or not) you have to step aside. Dali and uBaba started this court process in December, and then in January, #Ramaphosa called for an urgent interdict to halt the process. #Cupcake stated the obvious, but here’s the rub my friends: #Ramaphosa waited to call for this interdict. He waited from December to now and that means (to Dali’s point) that there is no urgency to this “urgent interdict” or the President would have dealt with it immediately. To be fair, our seated President did write and tell #Zuma he must be off his meds if he thinks this is going to work and that this is a waste of everyone’s time and money. He asked #Zuma to reconsider, and with that #Zuma released a second call for court. The devil is in the detail folks, and as much as I loathe to admit it, Dali is actually quite smart because whether our Prez likes it or not, his own rule says he need to step aside if there is an outstanding court process. I say quite smart because this is never going to work, is it? Is it? #PresidentialPunchUp.
The Darkness & The Mafia
You got in your car after a sho’tleft in #Dezemba and the moment you got home, or the moment your kids had to go to school, the lights went off. Look I’m not saying #Dezemba was not without its loadshedding challenges, but to take us to #Stage6 or #StageSies the second we return is a bit rich isn’t it? Nope, actually this is a bit rich, #Eskom want a 32% price hike for services we never actually get. It’s like literally charging for darkness. Nice work if you can get it. The biggest ruse of all is that this is not a state of emergency. #DeRuyter bailed but not before he said that “they” tried to poison him with a cup of tea at #MegawattPark. I’ve been there, the tea is murder. Look I suppose I believe him, all I know is that we now are leaderless and in darkness.
We’ve had yet another murder with #FortHare’s Vice Chancellor’s bodyguard #Vesele gunned down during an assassination attempt on Professor Buhlungu’s life. We also read that the curator appointed at Optimum (#Gupta mine) has resigned because of death threats to him and his family. Really dark.
Boksburg Explosion
The death toll keeps rising as we are told that 40 people lost their lives when a tanker went under a low bridge. The tanker, carrying LPG gas, burst into flames and exploded, destroying the bridge and the surrounding areas in scenes that looked like they came from #Ukraine. A mother buried four of her children, imagine the horror. We are told that the trucking company has been cleared of wrongdoing and that this is #PRASA’s problem because the sign indicating the height of the bridge wasn’t legible. Read that again. The tanker was carrying LPG gas and didn’t see the sign, but the trucking company has been cleared through an independent audit. I have so many questions: Was it the first time they took that route? Was it the first day on the job for someone to carry lethal cargo through the streets? And the sign? My friends, we have potholes the size of those tankers, something is off, really off with this story and so many people died. So many scarred for life.
Other News
- Cape Town had millions of tourists pour in over the silly season, one of them died while paragliding off #LionsHead.
- Someone had the gall to rob #GiftofTheGivers.
- Jooste’s chickens have come to roost as courts rule that he cannot be a director for 20 years and had to pay some change.
Across the Ponds
Covid is back in China, we don’t really talk about that. #KenBlock died doing what he loved. Africa is #EbolaFree. Russia and Ukraine have been at war for over a year now and Pele left us with a legacy that will live with football fans forever.
The top story across the world is #PrinceHarry spilling the beans on the royals with his book called #Spare. It should have been titled #SpareUs because, my word, what a load of cobblers. Talk about a spoilt brat and an eagerness to stay relevant. That is just astonishing. The media was filled with “leaked” copies before the shelf date. Literally, I watched the best PR strategy turn into the greatest PR crisis he has ever been involved in, and there have been many. Even the Taliban are at the door waiting for that book signing event as Harry told us he killed 25 people in Afghanistan and considered them mere chess pieces. This is what happens when you take a great PR strategy and give it to a dimwit. Sorry, I’m not a royalist at all, as you can tell, and these two really make me want to get back on a boat.
It’s the weekend, I’m Tonya Khoury and I have a date with an Octopus under the water and some shiny happy people holding hands. Thank you for #ScratchingTheSurface with me, here’s to another year of laughing at ourselves.
