A crew of billionaires paid to get a glimpse of the Titanic experience, and, sadly, they did. That’s how my week has been unfolding. A bit of a sinking feeling gradually crept up on me as I wrote this week’s story. There are several things that have kept me glued to my seat despite the many parts of this story that just made me angry. I called up Greg De Valle, legendary diver and a good friend and I asked him to balance me. Look when the sub went missing, I said immediately, well that was a bad idea. I mean who gets in a six metre cylinder and travels 4000 metres to the bottom of an ice cold ocean to see a wreckage? #BoyToys and far too much money – a dangerous combination in any setting. Just ask #Ukraine.

I’m Tonya Khoury, thank you for joining me as we scratch the media surface without submerging just yet.

Greg said it was weird how the media were making a meal of the oxygen idea seeing that the submersive tour (you can’t call it a submarine tour) was only meant to take eight hours – maximum – why? Because of the cold. Beyond 14 hours or so they would have frozen to death. I asked what would happen if there was a leak in the sub and I got the answer I already knew; the sub and its crew would implode. There would be nothing left of them. There is 4000 meters of water above you, what do you expect? I told him there were bits of the story I didn’t buy at all like the “banging sounds at 30-minute intervals” at 4kms below the surface. Not even I can make that much noise with a column like this, and as a diver, I can barely hear the boat engine 18m above me. This was never going to end well. Greg lamented that the world was now showboating to see who can show off their technology to go find the capsule (again, I can’t call it a submarine). I pointed out the irony that social media had brought to light of the 700 refugees who were also missing at sea and not a single billionaire even blinked. I said: “It would be nice if someone sent out rescue ships to fix that”, to which he retorted, “It would be nice if we could tar the road from Sodwana to Ermelo.” He’s right, it’s funny, tragic and true. #BoyToys

And with that let me bring us home where sinking submersives are the least of our worries.

#Ramaphosa has been around the world in nine days, not ninety. Ninety would have been fitting because he’d need a hot air balloon and that would be fitting as that’s all he’s selling. He started “Africa’s #PeaceMission” to end the war between Ukraine and Russia. This hot off the heels of Winde poops shuffling off to the USA to engage in  “trade relations”. Who does he think he is? Well, it set a spark under Ramapromiser’s behind because the next thing he was in Poland and his crew were being held at the airport (sounded like a hostage situation). Then the President, sans security and journalists, was whisked away. Hours later we were told that he was safe and he had met a very abrupt #Zelensky who clearly hasn’t got time for ‘chomies’ of Mother Russia. Two of our favourite journos kept us entertained singing school anthems in a sealed plane to keep the mood light. The truth is they were scared as hell and they were treated very badly but they brought us the news and I read it so you don’t have to. It makes me wonder, though, how Jumping John managed to stand next to that missile with a forlorn look on his face without a problem? Strange world we live in. Anyhoo, the Pres swiftly made his way to Putin who took his hand like he had reunited with Trump and the handshake stand off began. A day or so later Cupcake hosted the Portuguese President and the day after the leaders of both Denmark and Holland were also on SA soil to sign some hydrogen pact that I don’t quite understand. Last night he arrived in Paris to take part in a cybercrime coalition. It’s like he took as many countries in the West that a person could in a game of Risk. More showmanship. He is trying to either make peace before Putin gets here, or to counter Winde’s visit. Either way, it’s nice for Cyril as he squirrels away from loadshedding, cholera, protests and floods. A #Diepsloot community leader put it best: “Mr President, we are begging you, we are your people, you are (returning) from Ukraine and Russia… Diepsloot residents are living like people in Ukraine, we are dying day in and day out, it’s enough.” The war is here Ramaphosa. Our out of touch meditation app has forgotten who paid for him. #TooDeepInTheHole.

Then my pet peeve of the week? Madam Busi. This chick thinks it’s ok to, yet again, stall the enquiry. Her working term as public neglector is due to end in September. She says that four million rand is not enough funding from us for her to prove she is in/competent. Why don’t we send her home with full pay? It would be cheaper, for one, and secondly, Tina #JoematPettersson wouldn’t be questionably dead; yes you read that right, this week, three weeks after we have buried her, a docket has been opened for Tina’s “unnatural death”, and thirdly, and this is the one that made my blood boil, we wouldn’t have to read that drivel from Lindiwe #Medusa Sisulu telling us how abused this Mkhwebane person is as a woman and how this is tantamount to GBV and that #Busi is the only hope for South Africa. Are you kidding? She spent hundreds of millions on uDali’s filibustering and now Lindiwe is telling us women (the ones who have the highest femicide rates across the world) that we are on the wrong side of justice. Please, please leave my car. #SunkTooLow.

Here’s another woman who is destroying our country – Karen Pillay, the head of the Eskom’s security and unofficially the head of sabotage, has been suspended pending investigation. Had social media not caught Karen, we wouldn’t even be talking about this at all. She allegedly paid the saboteurs and then used the very same people to rebuild the power station she had just torn down. She ran a syndicate. Chuck her off a boat! Talking about Eskom, have you noticed the lack of #loadshedding, and would you like to know why? The coal price dropped for international exports. Sick hey? Don’t worry they’ll go back up in a few weeks and the trucks will pile up at Richards Bay. And #Gwede finally got his way so the #Karpoweships are here to stay. There are talks of #Stage16 so brace yourselves SA, keep those solar plans coming. We need a light at the end of the tunnel.

My words run out so fast and there is so much still to cover. I’ll drop them quick and let them sink to the bottom of this expose.

We had a froth about the new #NHIBill. It’s been one year since CJ Zondo handed over his report on #StateCapture. A whole year where people should have been arrested at the courtroom door after testimony. There are rumours of a new #StateBank and we were told that #JMPD have to wear bodycams to stop these ‘money-for-a-coke’ bribes. #ThaboBester and #Nands pitched up and dismissed lawyers and caused further delay. They are learning from Dali and Busi ne? Everyone with any money is learning how to mess with our legal system. For this appearance, Thabo was wearing Louis Vuitton, what a joke. The judge on the #SenzoMeyiwaTrial has taken ill and it doesn’t look like he will be returning. #ACEbestos was expelled from the ANC and Razzmatazz said no one is ever happy when you expel a member from the ANC. But I am, and I think many people in the Free State are too. The #Comrades was a triumph and across the seas there is a warrant for #MarcusJooste’s arrest in Germany.

Staying across the waters, #ChatGPT might be defending itself in court, how weird is that? Israel bombed the West Bank, this time using air missiles, they haven’t done that in years. It’s not all bad though, the US are growing lab made chickens for us to eat more KFC. How revolting?

Let’s end on a positive, we had #Sharknado across Port St Johns as the #SardineRun kicked off to a bumper start and the visuals you see are simply unbelievable and I’m getting in my car very soon. That’s one sea vessel I’m going to enjoy jumping off. It may be a cold sea but it’s filled with the greatest shoal on earth. See it’s not all bad? Become a diver, so many great positives.

Thank you for scratching the surface and submerging with me on a media deep dive with Acumen Media.

“The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever” – Jacques Costeau