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#BattleLines and #HeadlineGrabbers – #JaNeh!

Date: 05.26.2024

Written By

Tonya Khoury

You would think that one-hundred and sixty-two children being kidnapped in SA would be our top story. One hundred and sixty-two kids!  Nope, this story had been humming on Twitter for more than twenty-four hours until news media picked it up yesterday and gave it a voice.  No sooner had the word “kidnapped” left the anchor’s lips… and headlines switched to the #MatricResults.  #JaNeh!

Before we get to the education of our children (graphic below); I should give you an update. I don’t know if you’re ready for it, to be fair, none of us are ready for this “drawing of the #BattleLines”.


Last week I started by telling you about the sheer arrogance and #headlineGrabbing #LindiweSisulu.  The term she used to describe the judiciary is one I won’t repeat, for many reasons, not the least of which is that Facebook (one of my primary outlets) refused to post last week’s video on our business account.  Their reasoning… the word that #LindiweSisulu used was “offensive” and against Facebook standards.  Damn straight too! I found it ironic that I couldn’t report on Lindiwe, but that she had managed to make the very same word trend across the country.  You see Lindiwe, even Facebook knows what you said was nothing but revolting. I thought at least I could escape this story this week, but #JaNeh, here I am…  Yesterday morning #ThePresidency sent out a statement that announced #Sisulu had retracted her nonsense. I quote from the press release  “I retract unequivocally my hurtful comments. I recognise that many women and men judges past and present have served their country in the judiciary with dedication and patriotism and some have made sterling sacrifices in the fight against apartheid and colonialism.  I apologise for and regret the hurt I have caused the judiciary.”  We all knew she was pushed when this statement hit headlines (without an editor), but we all felt that #JaNeh!” moment even with the bad punctuation.  I was relishing the impact of the President’s lambast and how he had finally found a voice, but then yesterday evening, #Lindiwe said this:  “I have just been informed of a media alert issued by the Presidency that apparently claims that I, Lindiwe N. Sisulu retracted my original expression. I wish to categorically disown this statement in its entirety as a misrepresentation of the said meeting I had with the president.” #JaNeh The #BattleLines are drawn.

Would you like to know what’s going on, well, in my opinion (and I’m not alone), the #ANCFaction (the #RET) are settling in to their campaigning rhythm and the #BattleLines are drawn. You see if that #StateCapture report  is actually acted upon (and don’t hold your breath because we all know when you’re a high ranking crook, jail is just a media term), it will destroy the individuals of the RET.  They may even have to pay the R400 Billion we lost in this first report’s findings.  That’s not going to cut it, is it?  #JaNe #BattleLines

You may have forgotten, but #LindiweSisulu had political ambitions to be #President a little while ago.  The #RET needs an #ANC face for the #ANCConference.  I mean our good friend #AceMagashule is still suspended; #JacobZuma isn’t allowed in and #DuduzaneZuma isn’t on the list. So, unless you want to hedge your bets on #CarlNiehaus; the #RETFaction had to find a voice.  Why not #Sisulu’s grandchild?  The #BattleLines are drawn.  Yes, I might be stating the obvious when I say that the #ANC is imploding, there is no news there, but here’s the bit that impacts on all of us:  While the governing party is bickering and bullying for bucks, our service delivery is leaving through the back window #JaNeh.  For once, and laugh if you like, but I’m going to say thank goodness the #EFF gave the metros to the #DA.

Let’s talk about that #EFF of ours. Julius lapped up every headline he could grab this week.  He started off in 2019, giving it stick, when he called for the scrapping of African borders.  Yet less than three years later he is running around with the #Xenophobic #Trump inspired narrative. #PutSouthAfricansFirst.  Ah, the big flipflop and headline hog.  He lured the media with a statement that said he was going to act as a #LabourInspector and he would move from restaurant to businesses across the country to take a #ZimbabweanRollCall.  Ultimately, he went into one restaurant and confronted one owner, who he intimidated with his entourage and threats.  The result?  One meeting later – probably held indoors to get out of the rain and have a cup of tea – and that was a wrap.  #JaNeh!  The next day he was marching to open the stadiums for football games.  Oi Julius, when are you fixing the water and lights boet?  You’re running the metros not a rally.  #JaNeh!  I was so sad to read that my hero of 2021, #NhlanhlaLux – the man who stood up and saved #JabulaniMall and maybe even ended the country’s #Looting– is now chasing #Zimbabweans out of town.  Look, I don’t know the guy very well, but that seems like a massive swing in narrative for him. But why not, it was a #HealineGrabber sort of week… #JaNeh #BattleLines

There were some fascinating stories this week: #JudgeHlope announced that #ZandileMafe’s #MentalEvaluation was unlawful. You know #Zandile right?  South Africa’s #GuyFawkes.  #Hlope ruled that #Zandile should be removed from the institution.  I wonder if this Judge will ask for the real story. #BattleLinesDrawn #JaNe! I’d no sooner heard this news, and then #Zandile tested positive for #Covid19. It happens to the best of us #MrMafe, just hang in there brother.  We dare you to spit out the truth – you’ll become a South African hero – and we promise to care for you, unlike our governments. What did they do for you during all those years when you were on the streets?

There were some pretty fishy stories I haven’t addressed.  The most hurtful of which is that #Fishpaste and #Redro leave our shelves.  I kid you not, and  this I will never get over. I am gutted and deeply wounded by this decision. You took away my childhood. Erased it. I mean #Redro… even the advert never left me.   Anyway, I must move on from #Wedwo, however bad I feel inside.  There was a break-in at #LesediFM (SABC) in Bloemfontein and politicians took a very big interest. I wonder why all break-ins don’t get their attention.  #BattleLines?   Then there was the protest in favour of a #SecretBallot at the #JoburgCouncil sitting. Here you saw Government representatives chain there hands above their heads, in a demonstration of how they are being held captive by the use of an open ballot.  Later the whole place descended into chaos, and all the parties simply walked out.  #BattleLines are showing #JaNeh.  And then #Eskom asked for a 20% price-hike. None of us read that story. We don’t want to believe that we are still here, being plundered by a derelict service provider #JaNeh.  Then it turns out the #MotiBrothers may have suffered their ordeal because of  a family feud and some hot cash.  How sick are those #BattleLines?

Across the waters, a Volcano in Tonga erupted. Wow, this event, seen from the outer reaches of space, should encourage us to understand the enormous impact of nature, and how insignificant we really are.  When I was really feeling my existentialism; Twitter told me that if I can dream it, sure enough, I can put it up on #TimesSquare. I wonder what Satre would say?  So there’s that.

It’s been a long week, I’m definitely going to see the deep blue this weekend. The conditions in Sodwana are so sublime that it’s ridiculous, and I can breathe under water.  #JaNeh!

I’m Tonya Khoury and you’ve just scratched the surface with Acumen Media


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