I wanted to bunk class today but a regular reader messaged me to say she can’t wait to hear my take on #DeRuyter’s interview. I asked my editor what he thought about me kekeletzing (Zulu slang for skiving) and he was unamused, so this one’s for you Wendy and Winston! Let’s scratch the surface of that itch that’s been bugging you with Acumen Media.

I’ve never been a fan of #DeRuyter and I’m not alone, just ask his previous employers Sasol and Nampak; he wasn’t very good there and he’s certainly not improved now. If you haven’t been under water or under a rock you would have watched that interview with eNCA’s #AnnikaLarson. But I’m going to hazard a guess and say you didn’t watch the whole thing, and you watched the social media snippets. Am I wrong? Well, I watched it all so you don’t have to.

The Acumen Media machine showed almost seventy thousand results mentioning Andre, and three hundred thousand of you all chimed in, creating a massive engagement, and our story of the week. Almost 80% of you were madder than a box of snakes, either at #DeRuyter or at the revelations from the interview.

Stop for a minute. Do you remember that we had an #EskomEnquiry about five years ago? The one where #LynneBrown (face like a spanked behind) was torn to shreds by #Gordhan and colleagues. It was riveting teevee. Then we were told exactly how corrupt #Eskom was and how they split tender cash amongst companies that were self-serving. From then to today we’ve seen #BrianMolefe say he was at the #SaxonwoldShebeen and then cry on stage when he was found to be a lying toe rag. Brian #ToeRag Molefe, makes a good #MafiaName for a #MafiaState.

When #Zuma finally exited his presidency and we had our #NewDawn moment, #Pravin was placed in charge of all state owned enterprises (SOEs). We were happy; we were so naïve. We then watched him make #SAA disappear and reappear like a magician with numbers and a deck of magic card tricks. #PravinNumbersGordhan, that’s a good #MafiaName for him. He started talking about unbundling #Eskom into three bits, still not sure why, but at the time we all assumed that it would be to finally privatise Eskom. But nah, #NumbersGordhan pulled a number. A little later we ended up with #DeRuyter and the President #Cupcake Ramaphosa said loadshedding had been shed. #MafiaFairyTales.

We bought all this nonsense, all of it, because we believe in our country and we want to see her rise above the gangsters and shine. The true story? We have had more loadshedding than under Zuma and we have ended up with #AbsentRamaphosa and a dark cloud that seems to grow like a black hole sun. Minister of Electricity? #MinisterofDarkness.

Ok hold up, you’re here to read about that interview, and I’m here for Wendy. Wends, here’s my thoughts: If you take a job because you want to do “country duty”, as #DeRuyter professes, then why do you wait for three years to stand up and cry foul? Why didn’t we hear from you in the first 365 days of your employment? The answer is you, Andre #Mugg DeRuyter, are complicit. (I used the double G because well it’s a gangster name). The answer is you Mugg DeRuyter filled your boots too. You hosted a thousand zoom meetings and not once did you mention that the senior ministers were involved in our SA Eskom Mafia. You told us this week, though, and we all know who you’re were referring to when you said that  it was “bound to come out” …. Uncle #PhuzaFace Gwede Mantashe is what we heard even though you didn’t say it Andre.  And you were probably hinting at #MagicNumbers Gordhan too. Cue SA’s response, and we, like Cupcake, were “shocked” (bad choice of words as that would intimate that we had electricity). Oh, come on SA, do you think that this is news? It’s not, but here is what you should be thinking; if I know exactly what a cesspit of gangsters #Eskom is, and we all know, then we are all complicit, too. We vote, or more like we don’t vote, and so the #ANC keeps clobbering us. Not that I’d expect anything different from another set of politicians, I may just expect them to be a little less flash with their cash. A little more covert rather than this Lamborghini driving mafia.

I keep getting sidetracked! That interview. What did we learn? We learnt that #DeRuyter has a personalised mug and that he was poisoned when they brought in the new coffee machine. He reckons it was cyanide and went to his GP. If I suspected cyanide poisoning, I would have made a short left journey to #SunningHillHospital’s A&E but I guess when you’re #DeRuyter your GP stops everything when you call. Who called for a toxicology report? Well, not the amazing GP, but rather #MuggDeRuyter. He is the one who had the wherewithal to ask the GP to run a cyanide test, and another GP in the halls reckoned he’d seen this type of thing before and suspected poisoning. It reads badly doesn’t it, but it’s not my writing, it’s the interview that I watched in full. Andre, why on earth didn’t you raise the roof when you knew that you were working for the mob? Why do you chose to do it after three years of coining a fat cat salary in a job, where you admit, unashamedly, that you were out of your political depth? Why didn’t you become a whistleblower? Why today, when your contract is up, and then suddenly you’re doing the ‘right thing’? Why do you still not name and shame which ministers you are referring too? You are a coward and you are complicit and you are a plastic gangster with a personalized mug.

And as for Cyril, he is literally the worst president ever. He just disappears, or swans in and gives a higher-grade speech and then flits off to some country in Africa where we can’t hold him accountable, a bit like #DeRuyter who told us, with certainty that he is going on a “long holiday” to a faraway land. We have heard that one before, and we’ve all watched #PeakyBlinders and you’re no Tommy Shelby. He told us about the scores of people that have been assassinated due in part to Eskom (largely based in Mpumalanga). So again, you tell the nation this today, but why not before they murdered another group of people. Were you held hostage at Eskom Mugg De Ruyter? If you were, you didn’t mention that bit. You stayed and you watched and kept quiet for three years. Look perhaps I’m being unfair, but that’s not even my rant, my rant is at you South Africa and your inability to tear down this set of gluttonous gangsters. Come on my country, what are you waiting for? When will enough be enough? When will we have our #AfricanSpringClean? When will we rise up and remove our rotten kingpins?

Mugg also told us that if you pay some cleaner five grand to take a screwdriver and hit the sweet spot on a transformer, you’ll cause havoc. He said it was impossible to man all these transformers and so they bought (at a massive expensive) cameras that use artificial intelligence to monitor people’s behaviour such as loitering etc. Of course, the cameras got stolen. I mean, what kind of stupid plan is that, and who got that tender? AI Cameras, pfft, get outta here! Why wasn’t the army deployed to every single site. Why isn’t there barbed wire and twelve locks to get into any transformer? And that person who you could pay R5k to take out the transformer, perhaps you could have paid someone else R5k per month for three years to monitor the locks. These are probably over simplifications but they make sense, right?

Look, whatever, I wanted to kekeletsi today and here I am getting all worked up about my country and my people. We are in an abusive relationship with the ANC and we are trampled on day after day. There are sixty million of us, what are we waiting for? A sign? A leader? Come on, you’ve seen the #Godfather right? We have only ourselves to rely on. We are nothing but fodder to corruption. Fodder grown in darkness.

I was upbeat earlier in the week; I watched how one company after another exited the grid; I watched those, who had the means, install solar, but it’s too little SA. Move faster, bolder and with greater purpose. In diving we are told that if you see a shark don’t act like food or you will be food. We’ve served ourselves up by saying nothing or by screaming into a vacuum for too long, no wonder we are used as food/fuel to feed the gangsters.

There was other news of course if you have the cast iron stomach like #DeRuyter. The #BudgetSpeech was this week and the government (that means you and me, Wendy) took over 250 odd billion of Eskom’s debt. SAA got a billion – Pravin #Numbers Gordhan is getting money for a phantom airline – incredible work! The Busi #PublicNeglector Mkhwebane played more sleight of hand tricks with Dali #Stalingrad #Mpofu than you can ever imagine. If you want riveting television, try the #194Enquiry, it’s filled with gangsters in suits. Madam’s own witnesses exited the building when they saw what was coming, a bit like you should have done Mugg DeRuyter.

#AKAMemorial left the nation in tears, and a lion is on the streets this time, yet, nothing happened to that tiger story did it. Of course not, that belongs to #TigerKing. Then there was SOPA which was nothing but nonsense hurting our ears. There are floods across the country as South Africa struggles to keep afloat. We were hurled into #Stage7 Loadshedding without a word from anyone, so we had to work it out for ourselves. Every meeting I have had this week was coupled with an apology about poor bandwidth and signal issues.

Let me cheer you up, after all it is Friday – #KhakiCarl Niehaus opened his own party called ARETA, basically “a RET a” but I didn’t realise he had a stutter, so how’s your mum Carl? The #Nulane case which, for some reason, is not being televised. Why not, it should be, it’s the first trial resulting from the #ZondoFindings, which has now fallen flat because gangsters buy great lawyers. The Zulu King made his maiden speech against a backdrop where there were glaring spelling errors but who cares about excellence. Then there’s #CycloneFreddy (no, not another gangster) a real cyclone that is on its way to Mozambique, even the weather has had enough of our inaction. Oh my goodness, that’s not going to cheer you up. Um, #KevinHart is here try him, I’ve lost the funny.

Friends, if we are going to call what is happening at Eskom treason, then why don’t we deal with it as such. It’s really time to get off our jacksies, take off the concrete boots and take back our country.

I’m a grumpy Tonya Khoury and you’ve scratched and scratched and scratched only to find what you always knew. We have no choice, it’s our move SA.