Is your jaw on the floor? Zuma must fall? Ha! How did we get here my South Africa? Fifty percent of the ballots counted, and we have a new kid on the block. To be fair, it’s not such a “new” kid and to be really fair, it’s not a “kid” at all. Zuma, the not-leader, put his face on a ballot and went home to put his slippers on and watched the chaos unfold. I’m Tonya Khoury and I have an election data hangover. Join me as I krap to see what’s under this smelly surface. #MKLandslide #NotLeaderZuma.
Let’s roll back to your voting experience. I still have the mark on my thumb. Mom qualified for a #SpecialVote and we had the honour of having two #IECRepresentatives park off on our sofa and open up zip bags, envelopes and bring out that marker pen. We put our crosses on a very busy set of ballots. It was a historic moment for me to take a pic of my goose’s thumb and mine, side by side. We’ve been through a hard time and it felt good that we made it up a very steep hill and the view is so much better. I voted for hope with #RiseMzansi (nationally) and even though it doesn’t look like they shot the lights out, I know I voted for good people and really new leaders. My votes are not a secret; you know where I stand politically, so my cross next to the #IFP should surprise no one. I live in KZN; I live on royal Zulu land; I work with the #IFP on a regular basis. They aren’t perfect but they do work. I was sure my town was on the same side, but walking to the beach and mulling over the dunes the message was #MKParty and it was resoundingly clear. #NotLeaderZuma.
So how was it? How was your voting experience? Many cried foul as voting stations were closed and didn’t start or didn’t finish on time. Some of the pictures of snaking queues were reminiscent of 1994, except we had no #Mandela. There were incidents of violence but overall it was a good election. My best was watching the ex-ANC people (Now MK) finding rigged ballots – courtesy of their former cadres. Seems the #ANC forgot that the #MKGoons (ex #ANCGoons) were part of any election rigging that happened in 2019. They caught their former comrades in the act. I’ll take my hat off to that: MK kept the elections fair. If you think about it, the ANC did self-correct. #PoeticJustice, but don’t trust us.
The data said it but I ignored it. I thought a battalion of bots were magnifying #MKParty on my charts. Blame the statistician! I’ll take that knock on the chin and won’t ignore the machine again. And here we are with a #NotLeader. Zuma, the Puma, literally walked in messed things up … and left. There are stronger words but this report is shared with the media. To be clear though, Zuma is not a member, let alone the leader of MK. He is a card-carrying member of the ANC. I watched a one on one interview with uBaba that was held at Nkaaandlaaa where he spun and spun and spun stories as he strolled around his homestead. He said that if you are a happy with a president there should be no limit on the number of years you serve, and that the 5-year term thing was nonsense. Deep breath dear reader. He also said that he wasn’t in #MK actually, but he was “something something”. Quoted from the horse’s mouth, I did not make this up. When pressed, he admitted that he had Jabulani Khumalo and others come to his house and said that he had insisted Khumalo registers the party because he obviously couldn’t because of being ANC for life, or some rubbish like that. So, here on a television interview, he tells us that Concourt (the highest court in the land) was outrageous even to expect him to come to court and that the #StateCaptureCommission was misplaced. In one interview he admitted to plotting a new party that would lead to the downfall of the party he currently carries a card for. He admitted he is not the leader of MK (yet his face is on the ballot) and he told us our justice system is optional. And yet here we are with a new opposition and a new set of leadership in KZN. #ElectionDestruction.
Here’s some sobering thoughts for your #ElectionHangover. Who will run #MKParty? It’s obviously not #Khumalo as he was duped. Duduzile? She scares me, plenty! And where is Duduzane? He started his own party and then didn’t. Is that right? Is he our new KZN Premier in waiting? This party is only four months old and has managed to slaughter the ANC in KZN and make a massive dent nationally. Spare a second of silence for #KhakiCarl Niehaus, he must be gutted that uBaba didn’t bring him into the fold, he danced his puppet dance his entire life for you Jacob. And nothing? Mxm!
There’s one person in big trouble and that is #Duma, Siboniso Duma, the provincial chair of KZN. Duma is just Zuma dumbed down. Oh, I am cruel, but I only repeat what is said in the media spaces; I read the news, so you don’t have to.
The opposition were fuming: Helen called it “tribalism”, oh really? What do you mean #GodZille? Do you mean people in Zululand might want to vote for a Zulu person? That’s just madness! If you knew that, why did you put a gay white man there instead? Look I love #ChrisPappas, he’s the only DA member I like, but surely the best place for a leader that is gay, can dance and is white belongs in, um, I don’t know, the gay capital of South Africa, Cape Town? Read the room Helen!
And what about #Gayton and the #PA? Wow, see what happens when you use missing children to fuel your campaign? Where is #Joshlin? You couldn’t care less could you Gayton? But you got your name on the scoreboard.
You have to ask yourselves about the same issue I raised in last week’s report: Who will be in the coalitions? #CoalitionCollission. Will the EFF marry up with MK, I mean Juju loves uBaba so much. Will EFF go back to the ANC, or for that matter, will EFF and MK join up with the ANC to give them the majority again? According to Duduzile (Jacob’s daughter) there is no chance of a coalition between ANC and MK. Word on the street is that the EFF will join the ANC, Ramatress will be recalled and #Mashatile will be president. Did I mention to you who is likely to be deputy? I did and we both laughed it off. Juju guys. The one and only CIC himself. Malema may be our deputy president. How did this happen? Please can the social media streets be wrong? An ANC EFF coalition with those two leaders. Sheez, put me under the water quickly.
And that’s a wrap for elections for now, we will all be watching blue boards with numbers for a few days. Perhaps we’ll understand the state of our country on Monday.
In other news, there was almost nothing to report: #BHPBilliton pulled out of the #AngloAmerican takeover; #SenzoTrial was postponed and one of our own made a hit on #BritainsGotTalent – #InnocentMasuku can sing like a dream and he’s through to the finals.
Across the world there really is one dominant story. Thirty million people shared the same image #AllEyesOnRafah. This week after the #ICJRuling, #Netanyahu bombed refugees in tents while they were sleeping. The tents went up in flames, melting and clinging to the bodies of #Palestinians. This time we actually did see babies beheaded. I couldn’t watch, I couldn’t look away. When challenged on the massacre, Bibi said it was a terrible mistake. Then he did it again the next day. At the same time two Egyptian soldiers were killed by the IDF. They’ve kept that story deeply buried just like those soldiers’ bodies. The Turks set fire to the #IsraeliEmbassy in Istanbul and Nicky Haley (American politician and diplomat) wrote “Finish them” on an IDF shell that is set for Gaza. The irony here; Did you know #Haley is the first Indian American to serve in the US cabinet? You are disgusting Haley, both you and Biden should take a long walk off a short pier. And take the convicted felon Trump with you. Do us all a favour. Did you not see 100 thousand people protesting in New York? Did you miss the campuses in your universities? How greedy are you actually America, it seems the world is your playground now that you have given the go ahead for the Ukraine to use US-made weapons inside Russian territory. #ManufacturingWW3.
That’s it, I’m out, I’m savouring the electricity we have before the lights go off. I also have an extraordinary potato bass waiting for me in crystal clear, warm waters in my little part of paradise that may be known as #MKTerritory soon. I think I still have that placard from 2018 with the reasons why #ZumaMustFall. I might dust it off.
Let me leave you with hope from #ImtiazSooliman:
“We need four principles to fix this country, we don’t need money. We need spirituality, morality, values and ethics. You fix that, you fix the country We’ll have a surplus of money overflowing because you’ll do things the right way, in an honest way, with integrity and the moment you do that, in Islam we say, it’s barakah – blessing, bounties and abundance”.
It’s up to us SA, who cares who our leaders are, we always knew we had to fix this mess ourselves. We have a magnificent country filled with extraordinary people. Choose hope fam. Peace out. I’m Tonya Khoury and thank you for scratching the surface with Acumen Media.