#FoodPoisoning. He called it a national disaster, but what does that mean? It means that cash can be released from a specific fund to handle this situation. Is that what it is? A situation?

In the past few weeks more than 24 of our babies have died and their cause of death has been completely elusive. We heard Cyril say that it was a tragedy and that #SpazaShops had twenty-one days to re-register their businesses. What we didn’t hear is that those Gogos that sit at the side of the road next to a school with their peanut butter sandwiches will never be allowed to register. Which means that you’re driving the kids to the exact destination where they might meet their death … The Spaza Shop. He also failed to mention that a foreigner needs five million in their bank accounts to even register a business in SA. Now do you see it? #HungerGames

Chaos has ensued because there are over 150,000 spaza shops contributing R180 bn to our economy every year. Even locals are helping foreigners re-register because they need these spaza shops. Who will feed our nation? I watched our minister of police, #SenzoMchunu, take centre stage at a massive heist in Durban where a shipping container filled with expired food was paraded across the teevee. He pointed to a pack of spice and identified it as ‘The Culprit’ because ‘this is the type of spice that is found in our chip packets’. While Mchunu was interrogating a packet of spice, children were hospitalised in #Mosselbay, suffering from food poisoning. That’s quite far from Durbs, isn’t it?

This war on spazas has become so bad that people believe that the small tin of #LuckyStar is fake fish and #StoneyGingerBeer has become an object of great scrutiny. It is now clear that the cesspit that is our spazas has been keeping not only expired food but also prescription medication on the shelves. This and many other counterfeit goods. After all the facts were unveiled, owners of these spazas, frightened of getting arrested, started dumping all their expired or illegal goods, creating yet another headache. #NationalDisaster? You got that right.

#Stilfontein has domineered the headlines every day. Last week I told you about the 4000 miners ‘trapped’ underground who refused to surface for fear of being arrested and/or deported. This week the story revealed that there were not 4000 miners; the number was never confirmed and that these guys have been down there for almost four weeks. How on earth can anyone survive four weeks without food and water? I’m told there’s a couple of spaza shops down these disused mines; I wonder if they are registered and have cleared out their expired food? Perhaps that was below the belt but after one thousand #ZamaZamas surfaced this week, the police removed the pulley that would enable the miners to exit the shaft. So these criminals cannot get out even if they want to. There were requests from the miners to supply lifesaving ARVs. SA asked to see the prescriptions for this medication. Obviously that was never going to happen was it? There was an urgent interdict in court pressing the police to arrange for the miners to exit. Strange that we have to battle in court to stop digging a graveyard underground. Regardless of whether they are criminals or not, we have a set of laws in our country and burying people alive is not considered best practice. The #SANDF arrive today to aid or exasperate the situation, you decide. #MiningGraveyard.

It has been a busy week; we were raiding all over the place; this time it was #ElectricityMeters as the deadline looms for prepaid meters across Gauteng. Eskom says over 5 million prepaid electricity meters have already been upgraded and yet queues are still forming just before deadline which is this weekend. #Ramakopa stands firm in his assertion that the deadline is fixed and will not be altered. And then that was that, and the media stopped talking about it. So weird this media space I live in. #DeathlySilent.

It was the president’s birthday, and we watched as he was given a cake mid-air in his private plane surrounded by people who he pays. He’s been busy, old cupcake; he’s officially the head of the G20 as COP29 ends and the reigns are shifted from Brazil to South Africa. #Ramaphosa does conduct himself as a statesman, that we have to be grateful for. On the back of the #ICJRuling that #Netanyahu and company should be arrested for war crimes, Ramatress warned that if the UN is not reformed there is a great chance of “more war”.  He stated the obvious, but he’s right.

And as for our former president, #Zooooma. Well, the state attorney slammed #Zuma for suggesting, get this, that his dead advocate is somehow responsible for Zuma’s legal fees? It’s almost 30 million. The oke was your advocate, how can your debt be his? Ah, you know what, tsek man. There is no end to your awfulness. I was ready to dismiss MK when I learnt they are a year old this week and Floyd (turncoat) #Shivambu said that MK will lead in every province in the next election. Does that mean they are actually going to do some work? It’s been a year. When the media quizzed Advocate Pretorius from the #StateCaptureInquiry, he made it very clear that state capture is alive and well and the entire enquiry has been muted after years of exceptionally hard work while all the criminals have landed safely at the the #MKParty. #WastedWords.

HSRC produced a study that made my jaw drop. Apparently, seven out of ten SA men believe women should obey their husbands. That explains the GBV rate, doesn’t it? We have a femicide rate that is five times the global average. Who writes these things? And more importantly how many respondents are in this so-called study because those seven out of ten should be interrogated. But then again, a free pen is never a great incentive for a survey. Women’s rights #Graveyards.

Then Miss SA’s Mia le Roux, who was heading off to Miss Universe after the #Chidimma saga, withdrew citing health concerns. Joburg councillors gave themselves a salary increase during a chaotic online meeting headed by the IFP’s Hlabisa; he made those salary adjustments so hastily that even the gavel couldn’t keep pace. All eyes are on #RenaldoGouws as the racist’s time is up, and #Gininda alleges #KellyKhumalo orchestrated #Senzo Meyiwa’s murder. This trial will age with me. Then I read that we are building dams to stop our water crisis. What? I mean we don’t have a water storage problem we have a crumbling infrastructure problem. Talk about paper mache over the cracks.

Ah, thank goodness we get to sport! Bafana Bafana hit gold with a 3-0 victory over Sudan. Gayton McKenzie told Safa that they will have no excuse if Bafana Bafana fails to qualify for both the 2025 Africa Cup of Nations and the 2026 FIFA World Cup. And then the Springboks meet Wales tomorrow in what is bound to keep our smiles wide this weekend.

Across the ponds one story has kept this marketer’s interest. It’s the rebrand of Jaguar. The tag line is “Delete everything, copy nothing”; this is coupled with an advert that seemed to be directed at the ‘wokeys’. Not sure if they can afford a Jag, but anyhoo. Everyone is an expert during a rebrand and there were shots taken at the team for using a font that is similar to Motorola and some parts of Google. Others lamented that there was no cat in the branding. I have to agree; I love cats. One thing is certain, they made enough noise to keep all of us glued to this great reveal. I’ve always loved a Jag, I hope they don’t disappoint this fan.

And what about ‘Merica? Well, what a crazy place that is. Elon Musk literally thinks he is #ClarkKent as he sports a new set of spectacles. Rogan, Musk and RFK are pictured with Trump on his plane eating McDonalds; it’s funny because RFK has no love for fast processed food, in fact he is dead against it and he has been selected as the Health Secretary, so there is that sudden change of heart. It wasn’t only burgers in the sky, no we had Donnie join Elon at a rocket launch (not that climate change matters) and then we saw Trumpette with Joe Rogan at a UFC event. They are having the time of their lives, these guys. Meanwhile Biden is walking into forests as he thinks the Amazon is his new stage. Send him home.

And then probably one of the biggest stories of the year is the fight between Iron Mike Tyson and YouTuber Jake Paul. Did you watch it? I did, and yes, I screamed at the screen when Netflix froze, but I also had a good holler at Mike. That fight was rigged. There was no way he was going to lose. Did you see his training video versus young Jakey wakey? No comparison. I say Tyson lost, but he didn’t; he bagged 20 million USD. That’s not a loss, that’s a win. More fool us for buying into this marketing ploy.

Thank goodness the weekend is upon us and the weather is smashing. I’m going to jump into the blue waters of paradise this weekend, and under the surface, where it’s silent, become blissfully unaware of the chaos on land.

I’m Tonya Khoury and thank you for scratching the surface with me and Acumen Media.